Hello reader, hope all is well in your wonderful patch of green that is life. Couple of announcements: My trip is scheduled for the 23rd so things will get bumpier from here on out. Much planning, many paper work, wow. Blog posts will either come in late or not at all; in case of the latter happening, I will make it up to you guys by doing a double feature post on the next post date. I am sorry to do this but things are getting kind of wild and I have many family members and friends who want to meet up before I leave which leads me to all-nighters and crazy last-minute plans. Nevertheless, I promise to keep posting.
Today’s post is about something much more personal than all the other things I have posted so far (more or less). I have talked about family members and missing out on life events with them; I have talked about friends and what a real friend should be. I even talked about death and how it affects me being so far from such a tragedy. However, today I will talk about the man I love and what my relationship with him ahs taught me. To protect his identity he will be known as Mr. Grumpy.
Mr. G and I met in an English class through a series of loud stand offs and fights which led me to call him a sexist and he to call me out on my bossiness. Months later, we found ourselves caught by an unsuspecting rain storm under the same roof in the lobby of our building. He offered to give me a ride and assured me it was with no romantic intention but merely out of courtesy. Once at my apartment since it was still raining we stayed inside his car and talked about classes, likes, dislikes and such. There he learned that I had dumped my previous boyfriend which had halted all romantic intention from his part. Once this information had been assimilated he took his chance and pursued me endlessly. I, not being ready for another relationship, evaded all of his approaches and decided to be friends. However, any meeting between us quickly turned into a date, and friendship finally blossomed into a romantic relationship. We are now close to our first anniversary and it feels a bit surreal because neither of us believed it would last.
Our fickle hope in our relationship does not stem from a bad place nor is it because we have a bad relationship. Neither of us believed this relationship had potential because both of us had had a previous relationship with insignificant others which drove us to cynicism and fear of being hurt again. Yet, in the arms of one another we found the comfort and companionship we longed for. It is very mushy, I know. But reader give me the time to explain why this relationship has worked out so far; and in the process let me give you some pointers in what I have learned.
A relationship is so much more than just hugs and kisses. It is so much more than having someone with a hot body, a nice smile, a car, a job or just great sex. A relationship must have friendship. You must be able to relate with that person in every level. This includes being able to say gross stuff to each other, being able to make fun of each other (without being disrespectful), and being able to just be yourself with that person. How many times have we wasted our time pretending to care about something just to get someone’s attention? How many times have we had gastrointestinal problems because we held a fart so long in front of that hottie? Don’t lie to me and don’t lie to yourself. Your future girl or boy should be someone you know and that knows you. More than that, that person has to be able to love you just the way you are (Yes, Bruno).
Second, a relationship must have communication. You must be able to feel confident enough to say the stupidest, most ridiculous things that come into your head. You must feel free and comfortable to freely say what you feel to your significant other without the fear of being judged or mocked. This includes talking about intimate stuff, emotional situations and fears. You should feel comfortable telling your partner what you like, what you don’t like in bed, in food, while you sleep, while you bathe, while you talk to them and so on. Being with someone should give you the freedom to be yourself and say what you feel at any time without fear, without pain.
Third, you must realize that the person that is with you is as important as you are. This means that you owe him/her as much respect as he/her owes you. This means that screaming is not an option within a fight; and if it should break into a scream off both of you should back down, cool off, apologize and reach a happy medium. You both must understand that both your plans have a priority in life and have an individual value. One is never before the other but hand in hand. This means that compromises must be met, plans must be set and goals must be discussed if you want to make it in the long run.
Fourth, being in a relationship means falling in love with the same person every day. This means that what you see is what you get but you love it in every way. It means loving that person for who they are and what they are (even if they’re cheesy or geeky). It means not being ashamed of who that person. It means that every quirk, laugh, witty comment and smile is as perfect as the first time. Yes, things will become monotone at some point but only if you let it. A relationship is a team effort and it does not happen by magic. You and your significant other must work to make that relationship happen; you need to make it withstand any and all storm.
Nevertheless, it is important to state that relationships should not be forced. If things are going downhill and you notice that no kind of effort from your part or your partner is making the difference, then it is time to walk away. Just because you love someone does not mean you should stay in a relationship that has no future. Love means having the passion to make it happen but it also means having the strength to let go. More than that, you can never make another person love you. You can only offer your attention, make your intentions known and wait; if it’s not meant to be it won’t be. Never let yourself be beaten down because of unrequited love; yes, it makes perfect fuel for poetry but it makes a horrible recipe for your self-esteem. Remember, (and yes it is cheesy) there are more fish in the sea. Someone out there will love you for you; don’t give up. Also, never try to make someone into the ideal someone; remember that person is unique and perfecta s they are. Just because they don’t work with you it does not mean it won’t work with someone else. Love the person you are with and not the idea of being in love.
Finally, Mr. G and I are not perfect as humans or as a couple. We are both hot heads and tend to go all out in a fight. We can lash out at each other and even be stubborn to each other. Yet, what makes our relationship flourish is our honesty, our ability to talk things our and admit what we feel. We have reached a level of intimacy by being emotionally naked to each other. We are able to be ourselves around each other without feeling self-conscious; and that is what a relationship is. We are not the perfect half to the other; we are two jagged pieces who found themselves and are slowly polishing each other. Love does not mean having a perfect relationship; it means being able to make what you have work.