Today was another beach day. I’m more burnt than a forgotten piece of bacon on the frying pan. Anyway, today’s topic is brought to you guys by a conversation I had with my two cousins while I was at the beach; It’s about loving yourself.
The question one of them kept asking was ‘do you love me?’(now that I can dance) But I believe the better question was ‘do you love yourself?’ It may seem like a psychological mumbo-jumbo but it’s not. At some point, in our live, we have all asked someone (or many people) if they love us, yet we have never asked ourselves if we love us. More than that, we have never asked ourselves, in those moments of inquiries, why we want to be loved by others to the point of nagging the other person or worst, changing ourselves to please this person.
In psychological terms this issue of love and loving one’s self has to do with our self-esteem. Now, let me clarify that we have more than one self-esteem depending on the area in our lives. By this I mean, that we have a high self-esteem in areas we know like studying a certain subject, or doing a certain sport and so on. And it is the same for the opposite; we have low self-esteem in areas we don’t feel confident doing or don’t understand like cooking or dancing. Another thing about self-esteem that we must realize is that our self-esteem (about anything in life) is never set in stone; today we feel confident about our math abilities and tomorrow we might doubt our understanding of it. What I’m getting at with this is that how we see ourselves and how we love ourselves is not a linear view but a non-linear, rocky view of ourselves, where some days we love what we are and who we are and then there are days that we wish we were invisible.
Loving ourselves is of the up most importance for us to be able to seek out a mate, a friend or simply go out in life. When we start from zero in our Self-love meter we end up having doubts about who we are, what we are, where we are going and what we are doing. These doubts transfer from our psyche to our body position, our language and how we present ourselves. In conclusion, it gives off something that we are not. Self love is not easy, it takes years to obtain but I believe that we must all strife to love ourselves as much as we can. When we learn to love ourselves we become likeable, we become happier, we become more positive, we become stronger and we solidify our identity. More than that, we become sure of what we want in life and how to obtain it; this permits us to stay away from toxic relationships, bad decisions in life and from falling into depression.
I may seem like I am preaching but let me tell you a story about a girl who faked it until she made it. I was 12 when I started noticing I was a person. I noticed that I had a face with dimples, white freckled skin and long black hair which I did not like. I was a bit overweight at this time, but nothing too medical; just some pounds with a nice figure. However, all of these things, though acceptable and charming in me, were not fully appreciated. I could not stand the look of my face so I opted by doing my hair in the dark. I did not like the look of my body, so I dressed without a mirror. And this went on for years until one day I woke up sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was angry at the world for not liking me when I noticed that the world was only treating me as I treated myself. Then the rage turned against me. Determined to love myself I woke up every morning and braced myself for what I would see in my mirror. Once the light was finally turned on and the mirror was facing me, I noticed I was more beautiful that I could see. I may have not been skinny like my friends, or tall, or had an even skin color but I was me. Every little freckle, dimple and hair was me; and there was no one like me. This realization lead me to talking more positive about myself, to not being afraid of speaking out and demonstrating I was there; I even went so far as getting a new hairdo and wardrobe change. I made myself the woman I am today; and she keeps changing every day for the better and on my own terms.
Reader, what I am trying to say is that we all have hardships; we all may go through that ‘I hate myself’ phase, but it is up to us to work through that phase. We think that we will start loving ourselves when we find someone who loves us but that is not true. You won’t love yourself then; you will only love the attention and care that person is giving you, and what he/she likes about you. You have to learn to love yourself, alone. You have to learn to love the good and the bad things of yourself. If there is something you don’t like, change it. You are the owner and master of who and what you are, and you can be whatever you want to be; just make sure that you like what you see. Never change for someone, because when that person is gone that persona you made will go as well. Also, and I stress this one, never compare yourself to others. You were not built like the others and the others weren’t build like you. You are unique in your own way; be it because you are tall, white, black, have curly or straight hair and so on.
Loving yourself is one of the hardest thing you will do in your life, but it will be the best thing you have ever done. Once you know who you are and you know how to value it, no one can take that away from you. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are you and no can take that away.
P.S. Here’s a picture of today’s beach trip.