Today I finished re-watching the whole series of Will and Grace. For all of you who haven’t watched it, I recommend it. It’s the story of Will, a homosexual, and his best friend Grace, which is straight, and how they face life, friends, work, relationships and so on. They are joined by Jack, another homosexual, and Karen a hetero rich woman; and together they face shenanigans, gay trivia and comedy, and what true friendship is about. Watching the end of the series (again) made me realize how much I craved that kind of friendship. More than that, how much I craved for that feeling of home.
At the end of the series (spoiler!) they all meet up like old times. However, this time they have all aged (except Karen). Nevertheless, it is that moment when they are reunited after years of separation, which I want to talk about. Even after each one took their different ways they ended up together, like fate, to toast about family and their unity. In their case family is not blood related but a bond stronger than that; a bond forged through growing up, growing pains and the hardships of life and being friends.
I have already talked to you guys about finding people who appreciate you, and making friends that are healthy to your life and your self-esteem. I gave you a preview of it in my past post “Strength, Friends and Esteem” but in this post I want to talk about the reality of a friend. I remember saying:
Friendship is obviously a relationship between two people; it does not go into sexual affection but it does have emotional affection. Much like a normal relationship, there is an obligation for honesty, communication and interest in maintaining said friendship. As part of a healthy friendship you must both feel comfortable with whom you are and who your friend is; and any attempt to change the other is solely based on trying to help each other to become a better person. Finally, a good friendship will withstand any trouble or fight by facing the situation as friends and talking it out (or drinking and yelling). Also, as a side note, said friends do not have to be 24/7 with you; the emotional and intellectual bond must be strong enough to withstand distance and come back as if it had never existed.
And yes, this is what Will and Grace is about; and this is what every friendship should be like. However, what happens in that period when you’re gone? When your life takes a different path than your close friend and you need to chase what you want. That’s when you start making sacrifices and hard life choices. That is when you go through the trials of fire and it is up to you to come back strong and victorious. More than that, as you wave goodbye to your past life and friends, and step into your new life with your new friends a part of you hopes that the past will be there when you come back. However, there is no security that they will be there when you’re done chasing your goal. Not even a promise, written or spoken, can assure you that things will be as you left them. And I ask you, why would you want it to be the same as before you left? When you leave, and take that road to your life’s goal you change; you grow up, you mature, you do things you have never done before and when you come back you’re a whole new you. And the things you left behind will also change. Friends will walk away, some will stay, the topics you talk about will change and how you see each other will also be different.
As you move in one direction, the people you know move in another direction; And you can’t expect to leave, come back and pick up where you left off. No, just as you come back anew, the people you left behind will also be new. They will not only look different, they will think different; they will talk about things you don’t understand and things you’ve never heard about. More than that, they will have a million things to talk to you about; just as you will have a million things to talk about too. It is at this moment that new ties with old friends are made. It is at this moment that you notice how you have changed and how you have grown.
Change is good. It takes you to different places, makes you think differently, it offers you new goals and tools to make your life happen and most of all, it makes life worthwhile. When you change and you share that change with others it’s like a big bang; a universe of possibility happens. More than that, when you change with those around you (each one taking on a new adventure), relationships grow stronger. And that is what you should strive for; making relationships better by making yourself a better person. It’s like a domino effect. One thing falls in front of the other; always forward, always together.
True friends will grow with you, but not necessarily by your side. True friends will let you go and will let you come back a bigger and stronger person. And you should do the same for your friends; remember, it’s a two-way street. When you both grow you make a stronger and lasting relationship. That is why after Grace went to Rome with her husband and Will stayed in New York with his husband, they still found each other, forgave each other and had a stronger relationship. I know I am basing myself off a TV show but it still is very real. When you fight for something and when you love someone, things just click. The main point is to make it happen, not just leave it completely to fate or luck. Sometimes you just need to stand up and leave and know when to come back.
P.S. Here is the final scene of Will and Grace. I apologize for the bad video quality, I couldn’t find a better version.