Hello again! As my disclaimer said, the last post was written before my trip. However, since I have missed so many post days I have already taken my magical trip and I am officially at the Appalachian Mountains (Go Mountaineers!). Nevertheless, this means that I have to put you guys up to date with everything. So let’s start with the post-engagement and the advice people have given me.
Getting engaged was a big decision from my part and from Mr. Grumpy’s as well. We are not planning on getting married right away. This is due to the lack of money and the lack of preparation. We have decided to first work on our main goal which is to obtain our Master degree’s. So we have postponed it to a total of 3 years, give or take. Our decision to get engaged right as I was about to leave stems from our desire to take our relation to a higher level. I mean, what we feel for each other we haven’t felt for anyone else. And when we are together life just clicks. There is no hassle, no pressure and absolutely no judgment. It is based on these feeling and positive atmosphere which we share with each other that we decided to make our relationship something more serious.
Getting engaged is just another step which brings me closer to adulthood and to anxiety. Some people, though not up front, have expressed their concern for our ‘hasty’ decision. Others just refrain from commenting or from giving it its due value. Mr. G and I were concerned about this but after a lengthy conversation we noticed that we did this for us, for our happiness, and not for anyone else’s. This decision to care for our well-being and that of our relationship was confirmed to me by a fellow church woman and friend of the family which had a daughter who also left for the states to be able to study.
As soon as she saw me she sat me down and told me how she felt as a mother about her daughter leaving and how my experience has revived those feelings. She told me that it is difficult for parents to let their children go. It’s strange to see them go off their own way and make their life in a different way and place from that of the parents. However, as the parents starts’ shifting their view about the trip they start to realize that what matters is the happiness of their children. Even when their children do different things from what they believe, or they think, if the child is happy and thriving that they will also be happy. This idea of me being able to stretch out my wings in my own space, time and strength and fly away while my parents supported my flight was what I needed to continue.
I don’t know if this makes sense to you reader. But I will try to clarify it this way: I come from a highly religious family and the idea of me getting engaged is a big thing. However, the idea of me living with my boyfriend before marriage is a bigger thing. All these things shook the foundation of my family and it has caused a riff. However, it was at the words of the church woman that I noticed that it was necessary for me to take all these decisions for my well-being. One can please their parents so much until you notice that you have not pleased yourself. I love my parents and all but my happiness comes above their own. They have taken their decision and paths as human beings and adults, and I have taken mine. They may not be to their liking but they are what holds me and makes me grow. Just as I have no right to tell them how to live their lives, they have no right to tell me how to live mine.
Reader, what I am trying to convey is that your life is your own. Only you can decide, only you can act and only you can be you. It is important to care for others but when their values, beliefs and actions serve to hurt you, to cripple you and to stray you from your path, you must take a stand and go your way. Where their rights end, yours begin and no one in any way has the right to control your life. Your decisions in life will probably hurt people, but you must keep in mind that you must first work on who you are before you can provide for others. You must first learn to be happy before you can make others happy. Just remember, that you may go and do as you please as long as you don’t hurt others emotionally, physically or psychologically. Never let others control you. You were born free, you were born strong. Make your life as you dreamed it; you’ll be happier when you make a stand for your dreams, for yourself and for your future.
Signing off, TWS