Travelling to a new place is a thrill. Moving to a new place is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. The difference between the two is that the first option gives you the tranquility of mind that you will be back to a familiar surrounding at the end of your trip. The second option gives an endless hall of doors that need to be opened, rooms that need to be lived in and a lifetime of anxiety to work through each one. As you have guessed, at the moment I am going through the second one. I am officially up in the mountains and a whole new set of posts will ensue from this new adventure.
The first step, I have come to know, in this new phase is fear. Fear of starving. Fear of not having enough money to pay my bills. Fear of not being able to cope and grow. At this moment I am unable to say of all these fears will dissipate; I can only hope that as I make my life within these mountains that I will find my own groove. It is a pleasant place which it has reasonable prices and it is populated with nice and accepting people. So far, with these things in mind I have found a balm for most of my fears. However, that does not stop me from waking up every morning with alarm and anxiety. I know there is a process to finding your pace in a new place, and I remind myself to take a day at a time.
The second step in this new phase is letting go. When I left my home I left so much more than just a life. I left the love of my life. I left my pets. I left security. I left safety. Now I only have the security of my new apartment which is surrounded with people I don’t know (and hope to meet). If I wish to run into the safety of familiarity all I have is the unfeeling contraption that is my laptop and my cell phone in hopes that on the other end I will get to see or hear a family member or Mr. Grumpy. These things are of importance to me; all these people and beings hold a place in my heart. Nevertheless, I cannot spend my days moaning and weeping for the people I left behind. This trip and decision was made with the idea of making a better life for me and for my future husband. I want to be able to build myself farther than I have ever done, and the only way I can obtain such a prize is to make some sacrifices on the way.
The third step in this new phase is acceptance. All the things that have happened up until now are not a random selection of events and feelings. All these steps I have been taking, all these sacrifices and these decisions have a greater purpose. Life does not just happen by magic or luck; you make life happen and the result of it is what you have put into it. I have given up many things in order to get here. I have worked myself harder than most of my family members, friends and colleagues to get here and I am certain that it will pay off. Does it hurt? Yes. Are their times that I think of giving up? Yes. But I won’t. And you know why reader? Because I have put into this project way too much to just walk away. I admit there are days I just want to get on a plane and go back home to Mr. G. There are days where I just want to lay in bed and cry but I can’t. There is so much I want to accomplish and there is still so much I have to do and I am still in the beginning of it all.
The excitement that flows through me is the positive energy which I have chosen to channel and live through to be able to get through the hard times. I can’t have it both ways and be home while I grow up in a new place, so I have opted with making the most of this moment. I admit there are times I crumble down but it is the love and guidance of my loved ones, and my own spunk which helps me to continue. What I do is not easy, but it is not impossible. And as time goes by the reason for why I am here will be clear.
There is a limited amount of opportunities in life; you just have to know which ones to take. I have taken this one and I am sticking to it, come rain or snow.
Signing off, TWS