I believe this is a post I should have left for the last of my blog series, or at least at the end of this journey. However, it’s too strong to ignore and if I noticed it now then it means it is time for it.
For the longest times I have had this urgent desire to run away from home. Not in a ‘you don’t understand me mother/ father’ kind of way. I have wanted to walk out the door and go into the world. Yet, not any world but the world that brings out the peace in me. A world of psychedelic trips of harmony without the meditation, the state of tranquility without medication and an all-around sense of completion. A world filled with nature, birds chirping, the soft sound of a brook near me and the sensation of running barefoot in a land of no restriction. I mean all of this metaphorically and in reality. Yes, I realize how hippie-dippie my ideal world is, but it makes me happy. And it has been this longing and search for it that has kept me moving, studying and just gunning for a better future in hopes that in the end this paradise will be there.
As I skimmed the photos of a friend of mine, a great photographer, I couldn’t help but get sucked into that same world I dream of. In his pictures I saw that tranquil state I so long for. I see my reflection in each of his models and I can’t help but wish to be them. However, as I stared at my favorite one (a man sitting on some stairs, near a railing with the background blurred) I wondered how that picture would have not been possible if someone else had not been there to take it. The model would have posed but the picture would have not been taken if the photographer had not been with him. In other words, in order to make that one picture possible, that moment of tranquility, there had to be two people; heck, maybe there were more. And it hit me: My world of tranquility cannot be complete or possible if I am not with the people I love. They are the enablers of my dreams. They are the people who create and participate in my peace and in my world. Hence, it does not matter if I run a million miles away and go find my trees, my meadow, my peace, my singing birds if the people I care for the most are not there.
It is through the people that I love that I am able to capture the best moments of my life. It is through their way of being and saying that I learn and make the best memories which carry me in the best and the worst times. I am not saying that I should not go and find the place I seek the most but that without them it would only be half as enjoyable. In a twist, when I am with them I have half of my world and when I am apart from them I have another half of that world. It is not impossible to join both worlds but it takes time and money (especially when they live in PR and you’re in NC).
However, I think it is this desire to have a complete world (both halves united) that causes us to keep seeking. One half is given through family and friends, and the other is searched by our strength and dreams. And once the other half is found we strive to unite both to be able to share our happiness and in the process make both halves even better. There are those who get neither, or just one half but I believe that no matter what straw you drew, it is up to you to make ends meet or simply enjoy the patch of grass you were given.
Signing off, TWS