WARNING: This post is ooey-gooey and mushy with sugary rough truth bombs.
When I decided (along with my significant other) that we were going to move in together a lot of shit hit the ceiling. More shit than was necessary. Friends, family and even people who had no real weight in my life, gave their opinion. They were more negative than not. It was ridiculous. I heard it all from living in sin to being pegged as a woman who needed a man. But none of those [unsolicited] opinions were right.
The reason I moved in with my fiancée stands in a realm much bigger than just physical intimacy or regular companionship. Our decision to move in stems from love. It stems from the overflowing joy that I get when we cuddle at night. It stems from incoherent yet comical conversations we have of whether or not The Falcon is a real super hero, or if in fact it was Qui-Gon Jinn’s fault that the Skywalker family is ruining the Galaxy far far away. Our choice to live together stems from the feeling of safety and warmth we provide each other by just simply being there. It stems from my inability to cry openly and him saying, in the gooiest voice, ‘If you need to cry, just cry’; and me being able to bawl my eyes out without feeling weak or like a failure. Our decision to move in together stems from the fact that we’ve only been together almost 3 years but it feels like there was only me with him, and everything else was just a break in reality. It stems from that one moment when we met and we knew that we were meant to be together.
I have come to realize that it seems impossible for some people to understand it. It seems difficult, in this generation (or my culture), that two people want to live together because they’re more than just lovers. Because we’re so much more; we’re bros, we’re galpals, we’re two beings intertwined into a single conversation, one body, one love.
Being with Mr. Grumpy has helped me grow and change in ways that I never thought possible. He helps me understand perspectives I am unable to see because of my stubbornness. He provides fuel to my wacky behavior. He calls me out when I’m out of line. He provides me with an anchor when my mental disorder acts up. And he is the first person to have ever accepted me unconditionally, regardless of my mental disorder, my life decisions, my past, my neurotic behavior or the fact that I threw a turnip over the shower curtain when he was taking a shower. He sees me for me; something no one has ever done.
I don’t believe in soul mates, because that would entail that you would have to be half of a person to be able to find your other half. I am full and complete. Mr. Grumpy is full and complete. However, when our paths crossed, on a rainy day, we knew that we could find solace, care, hilarity and love in each other. We found someone to provide more words to the dialogue that we as a couple have created.
Living with [the right] someone is so much more than just sex. It’s much more than just holding hands, going out and being lovey-dovey. Living with [the right] someone is being able to be you; without the social masks, the brave front or even decent clothes. Being with [the right] someone is being able to fart and him answering you back with another fart. It’s about walking around in pajamas all day and still be seen as beautiful. It’s about making weird food, that probably tastes bad, and eating together while you complain about how bad it was. Being with [the right] someone is about coming back to a place you can call home.
Signing off, TWS
P.S.1. As I wrote this I could only of one song that describes what the right someone feels like in my life (minus the fighting sequence). This song is from Steven Universe, a cartoon show on Cartoon Network. The context of this fight is that Garnet (purple lady) is a fusion of two gems (sapphire and ruby) that are lovers and have been reunited; and thus form Garnet.
I strongly suggest that ya’ll watch Steven Universe. It’s the first cartoon show, in Cartoon Network, that was created by a woman [Rebecca Sugar]. For reals! Go watch it!
P.S.2. In a world filled with casual dating and over-exaggerated Hollywood romance, people mistake abuse and possessiveness with love. It is important to catch signs of interrelationship violence as soon as it happens. This means speaking with a friend about it, talking to a counselor and even finding shelter. Please follow these links for traits of an abusive relationship and what you can do to get out of it.
- Domestic Violence: Statistics & Facts
- 10 Signs of Domestic Violence and Abuse
- Signs to Look for in an Abusive Personality
- Characteristics of Abusers
- 24-Hour Sexual and Domestic Violence HelpLine: (360)754-6300