Final post in this series; I have returned back to the Appalachian Mountains and aside from the cold weather I have found peace in my heart. Things that worried me two posts ago now seem like horrible dreams that I have finally woken up from. I admit that when I started this path of self-awareness I feared that others would not follow or would simply take it the wrong way. However, now that I have crossed various lines and made it to certain check points I realize how brave I was for standing my ground and how proud I am of those who decided to walk with me.
Things back home did change, as I would slowly realize. People were more open to sharing their feelings and listening what I had to say. Yes, it is progress but like everything else there is still much to change. I am glad to experience this change in them and hope to return to a better and united family and friends.
In this journey I noticed the power I have and can exert without fear when needed. Like ripples in a river, when a rock is placed in it, my actions and thoughts changed the direction of certain things. I realized that my opinion had as much worth as any. More than that, I realized that the decisions I have regarding my life are my own and should not be halted or questioned by others. I believe I have mentioned how important it is to stand your ground when it comes to your life, but there are moments when you doubt the power you have on your own life. We grow so accustomed to be controlled and guided that we lose the will power to take hold of our lives. This crux I carried until I realized that no matter how much others want to put their two cents in, their opinion will never matter because they cannot experience my life as I can. They cannot understand me as I can and they will never go where I am because what is mine can only be done by me.
Going back home also helped validate myself as a person. This being that I have a voice and that it should be heard, especially when the topic is about me. Knowing this, is also knowing that at times we will say things that are not to other people’s liking and that is okay. Not everything we say will be pleasant but it must be said. Hurting others should never be a way of life, but when you are doing it for a healthy cause like taking care of your privacy, setting a line of respect or simply stating your personal emotions, I believe it is okay. One cannot go about life without hurting others but it must be stated that there is a time where you must stand up for yourself even if it does hurt others. Such examples are, telling someone that you feel uncomfortable when they say or do something in your presence; refusing to do or say something you do not feel comfortable doing, being truthful to your intentions and thoughts no matter if the person next to you differs from your thoughts. All these actions help you become more genuine to who you are and who you want to be. People may believe you to be selfish but I differ from that idea, mainly because those who call you selfish for standing your ground are people who wish to overstep into your ground. It’s a bit confusing to try to explain it so let’s just say that it is a type of projection, where person A wants to control, comment and take hold of person B in a way that makes person A feel comfortable or happy; person A, at times, does not notice how wrong this is or how much it is hurting person B and it’s not until person B denies person A that power that person B is accused of being selfish for taking back a happiness and comfort that was person B’s to begin with.
A clearer explanation of this is that there are people who like to control and take hold of other people’s life because they believe what is best. They do not notice that they are doing it, and that this is wrong. Hence, when they are told to back off they feel offended. This is mostly seen in helicopter parents or over-involved family members. They feel they have a right to the other person’s actions and thoughts be it because they feel like they know more or because they believe that they have that right. Again, neither reason is acceptable nor is it okay to let someone else delve into your life without your permission; regardless of their relationship with you.
These actions and situations are those who take power away from a person. They strip the strength of change and happiness from a person and leave but a shadow of what a person really is. Other people cannot change you; they cannot hold you and tell you how to be you. They will only tell you how to be like them, and that is not right. I believe, that what I am saying is that change to the self has to come from yourself; happiness and comfort will follow in its own time. To fully grow and be who you wish to be will come from your own actions and thoughts, not from latching onto memories and people. Those who are around you can never make you happy if you’re not happy with yourself. You have to learn to validate your actions and thoughts, try to make sense of where you are and where you want to go and everything else, as you keep truckin’ will follow along. The people around you are not there for your enjoyment nor for your comfort. Just as you were set on Earth with a purpose so were they and by burdening them with a problem that can only be solved by you, you are stopping your growth and also that person’s growth. It is okay to reach out, talk and orient yourself; it is those things that give you strength. It is not okay to latch on and pretend that others will carry you to your destination. Happiness is not a person, it is not a place; happiness is a state of mind of wellness and genuiness.
Hence, I invite you to find that light that guides you. I invite you to strip yourself of all false pretense of material happiness, of relational happiness and to find true happiness in yourself. I invite you to fight your own demons, to conquer your land and to set a reign of strength and joy in your life. You only know how far you can go, and it is only you who can say how strong you are. You must learn to break free from convention and manipulation. You have to dare to be free; even if others get upset with you. You cannot spend your whole life making others happy. All it takes is one step, the realization that you, as a person and individual, matters as much as any other person. That you, as a person, are not tied down by other people’s thoughts of you, perceptions of you or expectations of you. Only you can set the tone for your life and only your judgment is right when it comes to your life. It is your beginning, your journey; take hold of it and begin your path to wholeness.
It is a scary path because you don’t know where you’ll end up or if others will accept your true colors. However, those who are meant to appreciate you as you are will come, and those who are colorblind will walk away. Remember that it’s a process, there is no end to it and as you grow and change, along the way, it will be worth it. Don’t stop looking for who you are. Don’t stop believing in your cause. You have a purpose. You have a light. And some day your strength, your moxie and your passion will inspire someone to start their own journey for self-awareness.
Signing off, TWS